Ah David, ye of little faith. Come, take your socks off and sit next to me at the High Alter of all things semi liquid in a tube, that I might pass on my findings to both you and your fellow pilgrim Uncle Fester.
Put away your Paduan, as I know not what this mystical entity is and listen well. For it is, but once, that I will grace my presence upon you both, for then I will go to the far corners of the universe in search of my own Paduan and hope I find a Morrison's that stock such a rare commodity (other supermarkets are available).
Here is my secret.....
Go back in time to the first of my three images and gaze upon it. Then do as I write and ye too will know the secret of the 'Swirling Sea'
Squeeze a dollop of the elixir from the magic tube on to the pre coloured base.
Then with gusto, and a paint scraper, spread it over the base about 3" square and 1/8" deep.
Gaze upon the glittering surface with awe.
Cast aside the scraper, for it's use is no more and pick up that most glorious of creations - an old toothbrush.
Feel the contours as they curl themselves into your sweaty palm.
Leaving a circle the size of a 10p in the centre of the elixir, let your mind wander and imagine before you an eternal clock face.
With the tooth brush gently stroke the elixir from the edge of the 10p to infinity and beyond starting at 12 noon and working around the numbers until your journey of destiny brings you around to 12 once again...Thus you see before you the hours of the clock spilling out to eternity on streaks of pearl way lines.
Cast aside your toothbrush, but not for ever, because rest assured you will need to pick it up again before your journey into the unknown world of sticky stuff is done.
Go out from here and search for that elusive jewel, a big nail or a similar and on your return from the quest, scribe magic circles whilst chanting......
Ohwahtanassiam. Keep chanting and scribe ye at least two circles around, but slightly away from, the outer edge of the smooth and mystical centre. Travel ye to the image for reassurance should you so wish.
Cast away the nail now coated with elixir, for ye will not dare pick it up again for fear of contamination!
Seek out ye toothbrush and dipping it in water, gently dab all you see before you. I say unto you, even the smooth circle of life in the centre of the mystical, sticky world that lies under your mince pies shall receive the soothing dabbing of your soft touch....
One final, and I say unto you, vital point to remember, ye will have but a couple of minutes to complete your epic journey, for it is well documented, the elixir will start on it's journey to 'unworkability' within the blink of an eye, so work quickly or thy will have a balls up of heroic proportions!!!
Here endeth the lesson.
The collection plate is on the table as you leave......No foreign coins or IOU's please. Should either of you wish to make a further donation, please send your bank details to me in a p.m.
Keep the Faith.....
Billy Graham