Questions without answers --- unless you know better

[spanner570]

Not strictly correct for this thread, but funny...I hope!

I have a good friend whom I have known for over 40 odd years, I call him 'The dozy Welshman'.....What he calls me is unprintable.

Here are but three of his classic statements:-

"Who's coat is this jacket?"

"If you're not there, I won't pick you up!"

And my favourite one that is printable occurred during one of our regular hiking / camping w/ends in Snowdonia. It was a bit misty, and as we ascended up a track heading for the summit of Snowdon, he said to me....

"Ron, look at the mountain, you can't see it!"

Murray Walker, eat your heart out!!!

Cheers,

Ron

 

[Gern]

Ron,

I'm sure you know this, but for everyone else; Where else would you find a "dozy welshman"?

Gern

 

[mjm34]

Why is it that doctors call what they do 'practice'? Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why do they sterilise the needle for lethal injections?

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Why is it that rain drops but snow falls?

Why is the third hand on the watch called a second hand?

Why is the word dictionary in the dictionary?

Why did kamakazi pilots wear crash helmets?

Ron, can you get my coat while you're there mate!

John

And why do we always schedule our Bank Holidays on the days when the roads are clogged with traffic?

Get mine while your there

Mike

 

[mjm34]

Which of course reminds me of the poor Irish scientist. He almost won a Nobel Prize when he discovered the universal solvent - but unfortunately he couldn't find anything to keep it in! He almost won a second time when, during his search for something to keep his solvent in, he discovered the universal adhesive. He didn't win this time because he couldn't find a container he could get the stuff out of!Gern

Or the Victor Borge one about the guy who invented the cure for which there was no known disease!

 

[slupanter]

...and why is it called "outer space"? Where exactly is "inner space"? (and no-one quote from the movie, or they're getting reported to the moderators!! lol)Same as outer Mongolia????

Stuart

inner space is the space within martin short in which dennis quaid flys/sails/drive a small submersible and has a fight with a mini driver. (1987 Innerspace)

 

[slupanter]

The anwser to the first one maybe common cold. or a really small denis quaid

 

[delmonteman]

Why does it take longer to say "www" than "worldwide web"?

 

[noble]

Why do your mates call your mobile number and ask if you're there?

Why do we eat pancackes on a day called shrove tuesday and not shroves and what is a shrove when it's at home?

why do men sweat and women perspire?

What is the answer to the universal question

when there's a single thief it's a robbery, when there are 1000 theives, it's taxation.

 

[peter22]

HI Scott

"why do men sweat and women perspire?"

Slight Correction - Horses sweat, men perspire and women Glow

:grinball2:Peter

 

[noble]

Hi peter not the women where i live they don't glow horses glow in comparrison.

scott

 

[peter22]

Hi peter not the women where i live they don't glow horses glow in comparrison.scott

Hi Scott

I hope that the "Liverbirds" don't read this forum!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Peter

 

[Kressy13]

Ahoy

If Pinocchio said my nose is going to grow what would happen?

Cheers

Kresten

 

[Fenlander]

Street maps that say "You are here".... Why can they not make them useful and add "But you should be there"??????

 

[Gern]

But Graham, don't you think those maps that say "You are here" are totally brilliant!? I mean how the h**l do they know where you are? They're just bits of paper!

Which also reminds me .....

What about vacuum flasks? They keep hot thing hot and cold things cold. Right? Right! But again, how do they know?

And of course there's the poor blond who's discovered vacuum flasks for the first time. When the shop assistant tells her what they are and what they do - keep hot things hot and cold things cold - she immediately buys one. "That's wonderful" she says. "Whatever will these scientists discover next?" She's so proud of her purchase she takes it to work the next day and is bragging to her friends about this wonderful new invention. Her best friend gets so fed up with all the bragging she finally gives in and asks the blond what she's got in the flask.

"Two ice lollies and a cup of coffee!"

I didn't bring a coat!

Gern

 

[peter22]

Street maps that say "You are here".... Why can they not make them useful and add "But you should be there"??????

HI Graham

In the "States" they have road signs that read "you are going the wrong way" how do they know if the "street map can't tell you where you should be?"

Peter

 

[macca1701]

If flying is so safe why is the building called a terminal?

I can't afford a coat so I'll stay for a while.

 

[Sky Raider]

How does a man who drives a snow plough get work on a morning

What is an occasional table when its not a table called

Why is Live and Live spelt the same

If it takes 3 days to put a man on the moon, why is it that if I want to order something quickly they say 28 days for delivery when its only coming like 100 miles

Andy

 

[CDW]

If the earth's round .. Then where are all the corners ?

 

[papa 695]

If the earth's round .. Then where are all the corners ?

There's one at the top of our street

 

[Alan 45]

If superman is impervious to bullets bombs and everything else why does he duck when you throw a gun at him ?